Words with Friends 10
Words with Friends episodes are bonus episodes where different members of Mama Dragons provide definitions for LGBTQ related topics. This episode includes the following definitions:
Questioning shared by Maria Fergus in Washington
Butch shared by Kellie in West Texas
Femme shared by Michelle in Boise, Idaho
Androgynous shared by M’Lisa E. in Idaho
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JEN: Hello and welcome to In the Den with Mama Dragons. I’m your host, Jen. This podcast was created to walk and talk with you through the journey of raising happy, healthy, and productive LGBTQ humans. Thanks for listening. We’re glad you’re here.
For many parents, learning they have an LGBTQ child also means they have a whole new vocabulary to learn. So we’re here to give you an introduction to potential new vocabulary a few words at a time. These definitions won’t teach you everything there is to know about these new words. But they will give you a foundation upon which to build your future learning. And remember, this is an area where vocabulary is changing rapidly. We invite you to enjoy how our language changes as your understanding grows.
QUESTIONING: shared by Maria Fergus in Washington
Did you have your whole life figured out when you were 15? I didn’t. Many tweens and teens spend a period of time when they question their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Back in the dark ages, the 1970s, when I was a teen, that questioning was usually done in silence, and young people’s access to resources and information about sexual orientations other than straight and gender identities other than cis were very limited. Fortunately, that is not the world we live in now. Our kids have better access to information, and often feel safer talking to their parents about their questions. We can honor and maintain that safety by reacting lovingly and calmly. It is appropriate for a parent to ask their kid what sources of information they are relying on, and to help them find other sources of information. We can help our kids meet other LGBT youth, young adults, and adults face-to-face to supplement the information they have probably already found online.
FEMME shared by Michelle in Boise, Idaho
A femme presentation, or a “Lipstick Lesbian” is sometimes used for a lesbian who prefers a presentation that is more traditionally feminine, such as wearing make-up, dresses, or skirts, and wearing longer hair. “Femme” is another term commonly used to describe lesbians who present as feminine in appearance and/or behavior. These terms are contrasts to “butch” or “Chapstick Lesbians,” lesbians who prefer a more stereotypically masculine appearance. Femme can also be used among gay men to describe men who trend toward the feminine in dress and mannerism.
BUTCH shared by Kellie in West Texas
“Butch” is generally understood to mean a lesbian woman who has a masculine appearance or behavior. It can be used as an adjective or a noun. The term butch tends to denote a degree of masculinity displayed by a female individual beyond what would be considered typical of a tomboy. “Butch” has also been connected to trans identities, and some who identified as butch women went on to identify as trans men or transmasculine. While “butch” remains a word that’s primarily used among lesbians, it’s also used by nonbinary and genderqueer folks. Some communities have embraced other terms for masculinity, like “stud” and “tomboy,” while “masc” is used more widely by gay men and trans people.
ANDROGYNOUS shared by M’Lisa E. in Idaho
When androgyny is used to refer to physical traits, it often refers to a person whose biological sex is difficult to discern at a glance because of the mixture of male and female characteristics. An individual's gender identity, a personal sense of one's own gender, may be described as androgynous if they feel that they have both masculine and feminine aspects. The word androgyne can refer to a person who does not fit neatly into one of the typical masculine or feminine gender roles of their society, or to a person whose gender is a mixture of male and female, not necessarily half-and-half. Many androgynous individuals identify as "gender-neutral", "genderqueer", or "non-binary". A person who is androgynous may engage freely in what is seen as masculine or feminine behaviors. They may have a balanced identity that includes the virtues of both men and women and may disassociate the task with what gender they may be socially or physically aligned to. People who identify as androgynous typically disregard which traits are culturally constricted specifically for males and females within a society, and rather focus on what behavior is most effective within the situational circumstance. Some non-Western cultures recognize additional androgynous gender identities, called third genders.
JEN: Thanks for joining us here IN THE DEN. If you enjoyed this episode, please tell your friends, and take a minute to leave a positive rating or review wherever you listen. Good reviews make us more visible and help us reach more folks who could benefit from listening. And if you’d like to help Mama Dragons in our mission to support, educate, and empower the parents of LGBTQ children, please donate at mamadragons.org or click the donate link in the show notes. For more information on Mama Dragons and the podcast, you can follow us on Instagram or Facebook or visit our website at mamadragons.org.