Words With Friends 4

Words with Friends episodes are bonus episodes where different members of Mama Dragons provide definitions for LGBTQ related topics. This episode includes the following definitions:

Cisgender shared by Clare McFadden

AFAB shared by Melissa Hardin

AMAB shared by Heather Gooding

Two Spirit  shared by Sheri Proctor

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Transcript

Words With Friends 4

JEN: Hello and welcome. You are listening to In The Den with Mama Dragons. I’m your host, Jen. This podcast was created out of our desire to walk and talk with you through this journey of raising happy, healthy, and productive LGBTQ humans. We are so happy that you’re here with us.

Some of us need to learn a whole new language when our child tells us that they are LGBTQ+. Mama Dragons would like to help with that, just a few words at a time across the year. These definitions from our members won’t teach you everything you need to know, but they will give you a basic starting point on which to build your future learning. And remember, this is an area where vocabulary is changing rapidly. We invite you to enjoy how our language changes as our understanding grows.

 This time we have four Mama Dragons to introduce and explain the following words: cisgender, AFAB/FTM, AMAB/MTF and Two-Spirit.

CISGENDER shared by Clare McFadyen

To be cisgender, or cis for short, is to be a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex. If you were assigned female at birth, and you identify as female, you are cisgender. If you were assigned male at birth, and you identify as being male, you are cisgender. This is a complementary designation to the term transgender, which means not identifying with the gender assigned at birth.

 Some people might think that to be called cisgender is some sort of insult.  It isn’t.  It’s simply a descriptive term.  Like I might be a blonde woman or a short woman or a cis woman.

 Remember, gender and sexuality are two totally different things. Gender is who you are. Sexuality is who you love. Gay people can be cisgender. Trans people can be straight. Gender and sexuality are not the same.

AFAB/ FTM shared by Melissa Hardin
 AFAB is an acronym that stands for  “assigned female at birth.”  FTM is an acronym for “female to male.” Both have been used to describe trans men and non-binary individuals. Many transgender people prefer AFAB over the older language of FTM, because FTM implies that my son was female and is now male, but in his view and mine, he was always male. We just didn’t always know that he was male. AFAB clarifies that he was assigned female at birth, based on the midwife’s view of his external genitalia, rather than any accurate knowledge of his gender identity. FTM focuses on the transition, rather than the sum of a person’s existence. So, a transgender man may, of course, identify himself as FTM if he chooses, but as allies to the trans community we should use AFAB unless we are requested by a trans person to use other language to describe themself. AFAB can help clarify things when talking about trans issues. But on a regular basis, I would just refer to them as my son, or my trans son, or my kiddo, or my nonbinary kiddo.

AMAB/MTF shared by Heather Gooding

AMAB is an acronym for “assigned male at birth”. MTF is an acronym that stands for “male to female.” Just as was discussed in the definition of AFAB, many transgender women and non-binary individuals prefer AMAB over the older language of MTF. Saying MTF oversimplifies the complexity of gender for many trans people. A person who was assigned male at birth might now identify as female, or non-binary, or gender fluid or many other possibilities. So, a transgender person may, of course, identify themself as MTF if they choose, but we should use AMAB unless we are requested by a trans person to use other language to describe themself. Finally, is this a situation where the person’s transgender identity really matters in the conversation? If so, trans woman or non-binary individual might be a better choice. If their trans-ness is not essential to the conversation, use person, man, woman, child, son, daughter, something like that. In the vast majority of our conversations trans people should just be PEOPLE.

TWO SPIRIT shared by Sheri Proctor

The idea of “Two Spirit” in some Native American cultures predates modern LGBTQ terminology, and it has been around for centuries. Two Spirit refers to a person who identifies as having both a masculine and a feminine spirit, and is used by some Indigenous people to describe their sexual, gender and/or spiritual identity.

 As an umbrella term it may encompass same-sex attraction and a wide variety of gender variance, including people who might be described in Western culture as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, gender queer, cross-dressers or who have multiple gender identities.

 Two-spirit can also include relationships that could be considered poly. The creation of the term “two-spirit” is attributed to Albert McLeod, who proposed its use during the Third Annual Inter-tribal Native American, First Nations, Gay and Lesbian American Conference, held in Winnipeg in 1990. The term is translated of the Anishinaabemowin term niizh manidoowag, two spirits. Two-Spirit is first and foremost to be Indigenous and rooted within Native culture.

The term is generally not meant for anyone outside of those with Native heritage. If you are not 

Native, claiming this identity may be considered cultural appropriation, since it comes with history, traditions, and cultural resistance that is sacred to Native folks.

JEN: Thanks so much for joining us here In the Den. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends. We’d also love it if you could take a minute to leave us a positive rating and review on whatever platform you’re listening to us on. Good reviews make us more visible and help us reach more folks who could benefit from listening. But review or not, we’re glad you’re here. For more information on Mama Dragons and the podcast, you can visit our website at mamadragons.org or follow us on Instagram or Facebook. And if you’d like to help Mama Dragons in our mission to support, educate, and empower the parents of LGBTQ children, donate at mamadragons.org or click the donate link in the show notes.