Glitterblessed

There are days when fear and grief sit heavy in our chests. The headlines, the laws, the hateful rhetoric–it can all make us wonder how to protect our children and queer loved ones. So many of us, parents and queer folks, are feeling so drained, perhaps sometimes teetering on the edge of despair. But, sometimes what we need most aren’t just plans or protests, but blessings—words that can be a balm, a reminder of queer beauty, wholeness, and love when queer and trans bodies and identities are under unprecedented attack; in this world that so often tries to break us. A new book has emerged that is not just relevant—but necessary. It’s called GlitterBlessed: Already Whole, Already Holy—a vibrant collection of blessings, poems, and spells crafted by and for queer and trans people. It’s a book to help all of us conjure courage, summon joy, and banish shame, a book that insists queerness isn’t something to be explained or defended—it’s already divine. Today In the Den, Sara meets with a couple of the creators and contributors of this book. 

Special Guest: Rev. Sean Neil-Barron

Rev. Sean Neil-Barron is a queer minister, married, foster parent who lives and works in Northern Colorado and whose work centers on the proclaiming of the sacredness of every queer and trans person.

Special Guest: Silen Wellington

Silen Wellington is a sculptor of sound, an artist, storyteller, witch, and genderqueer shapeshifter, who writes about bodies as holy places of change.

Links from the Show:

• Silen’s website
• Glitter Blessed Website
• Join Mama Dragons today

In the Den is made possible by generous donors like you. Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today at www.mamadragons.org. 

Transcript

SARA: Hi everyone. Welcome to In the Den with Mama Dragons. A podcast and community to support, educate, and empower parents on the journey of raising happy and healthy LGBTQ+ humans. I’m your host, Sara Lawall. I’m a Mama Dragon myself and an advocate for our queer community. And I’m so glad to be part of this wild and wonderful parenting journey with all of you. Thanks for joining us. We’re so glad you’re here. 

Hello, Mama Dragons. I don't know about you, but there are days when fear and grief sit heavy in my chest. The headlines, the laws, the hateful rhetoric, it all makes me wonder how I can ever protect my trans kiddo, and not just mine but all of our queer beloveds, all of the people in my life, in my community. I know so many of us, parents and queer folks, are feeling so drained, perhaps sometimes teetering on the edge of despair. So what I ask myself, what I need in this moment, I keep coming back to this truth. Sometimes what we need most aren't just plans or protests or meetings, but blessings, words that can be a balm, a reminder of queer beauty and wholeness, and love, in a time when queer and trans bodies and identities are under unprecedented attack in this world that so often tries to break us. A beautiful new book has emerged that speaks into this moment. It is not just relevant, but necessary. It's called Glitter Blessed: Already Whole, Already Holy. “A vibrant, shimmering collection of blessings, poems, and spells crafted by and for queer and trans people, a book to help all of us conjure courage, summon joy, and banish shame. A book that insists queerness isn't something to be explained or defended. It's already divine.” One of our previous guests, you might remember, back in episode 113, the Reverend Brandon Robertson, shared this reflection about the book. He writes: 

“Reading Glitter Blessed felt like being reminded that queerness itself is holy ground. As a queer pastor and writer working at the intersection of faith and justice, I can say this collection doesn't just bless, it affirms, disrupts, and heals all at once.” 

So today, we are so honored to welcome Glitter Blessed's creator, the Reverend Sean Neil-Barron, a queer minister, married foster parent, living and working in northern Colorado whose work centers on proclaiming the sacredness of every queer and trans person. And in addition to Sean, we have one of the book's remarkable contributors and poets, Silen Wellington, a sculptor of sound, an artist, a storyteller, a witch, and genderqueer shapeshifter who writes about bodies as holy places of change. I also feel like I should mention that another one of our past guests, the extraordinary civil rights attorney Sam Ames, who guided us through this Skrmetti decision this past summer, is also a contributor to this collection. So together, we're going to dive into why this work matters, how ritual and word can become a balm, and how the everyday magic of blessing can shift not only our inner worlds but the world around us. Sean and Silen, welcome to In the Den. That was a very long intro, but I had to say all of these words. I'm so delighted to have both of you joining us today. 

SEAN: So, good to be here with you, Sara, and with Silen. 

SILEN: Thank you.

SARA: So Sean, this project was your brainchild. I'm hoping you can share with us a little bit of the story behind it, and how it came into being. 

SEAN: So, for a couple years, I kind of inherited this practice that's been moving around certain faith communities of going to Pride events and offering Glitter Blessings, which the glitter is optional, but, you know, Pride often is accompanied by a lot of glitter. And what you do in a Glitter Blessing is you offer to someone a moment of connection. What I usually do is I kind of say to someone, “Is there something in your life that you want blessed?” And of course, that word is a big nebulous, right? What does that mean? For me, it just means affirmed, seen, offered as holy. And in those moments, I was just struck by how powerful it was to stand with someone and just say, “You are holy. All of the transness that you embody, all of the discerning, all of the journey, all of the queerness that people don't understand that you're still starting to understand all of the wounds, all of it is holy,” and to kind of anoint someone with glitter. And what was so striking about the practice is after we got deep into people's religious trauma, right? -- Usually they don't have someone with a collar offering them a blessing – And people were in tears, and they would say thank you, like as if I was doing something. Right? But, I'm not doing a thing. I'm just pointing out what is already true. And that's kind of where the impetus for this is: how do we showcase, how do we have something that people can hold that reflects back what is already true, which is that queer and trans people, they're already whole, were already whole, were already holy. There's, we're not waiting for someone to bestow this upon us. It is what we are. And that's the message that we need right now. And so from that, I was like, what if we kind of constructed this book as kind of an invitation to think, “What are some places in our lives that we need some blessings that are unique queer and trans experiences?” We’ve invited thirteen amazing people to contribute to it. And it kind of just became what it became. It's a collection for people to use in their lives. I hope it's useful. I mean, I feel a little nervous about it, but you know. 

SARA: Well, look, it was useful to me. It's stunning, but I really appreciate those words. It was really touching. I felt like I had to get the Kleenex out, because this feels very emotional to me in hearing you say that all you were really doing is affirming what was already there and how powerful just that really can be for people. How did you choose who to reach out to, to contribute? And also I want to name that you created a container where, at least when you read the blessings, you can get a sense that contributors could also bring their full, authentic, true selves to the experience, to writing about sacredness and queerness, which can be very vulnerable and very risky. So, talk about the contributors that you found for this project. 

SEAN: One of the things about, I think, blessings or affirmations or whatever word we want to use, is that they only really work when you feel seen. Like, a generic blessing doesn't really have that impact. And so, as I was just thinking about the blessings that I never received or never got, I know that my slice of life is only one portion of the queer experience. And trans and non-binary people right now are just so under attack, and so I knew that as a queer man, I have a slice of this pie. But it isn't the biggest part that needs reflecting. And so, my major calculus was, who are the amazing trans, non-binary people and allies in my life that I know have something to say, and then invited them to say, to speak into a particularity that they needed because I think one of the blessings on here is about PrEP, the HIV prevention medication. And that's an experience that not most queer people probably don't have. It's pretty centralized in certain types of communities and yet it is such a life-saving and life-giving thing. And as someone who takes PrEP, it's amazing to think that it is actually a sacrament. It is really beautiful. But that, if you're a queer, trans person that doesn't take PrEP, that blessing's not going to mean something to you. And so I wanted to invite people that could craft blessings about applying estrogen, shooting testosterone in, and what those experiences are like. Blessing those unique experiences, in ways that I had no access to, and that they could use whatever language, whatever worked for them. I think there was only, like, one or two things that I suggested in edit, too, because I wanted people's authentic voices to come through. They got to choose those things because they're blessing parts of life that I don't have access to, and that's okay. 

SARA: And that’s beautiful. I think the collection really kind of expresses a fullness of queer experience and a variety of queer experience, reminding us and readers how there are these small little moments and acts that are precious and holy – to use the word that you used in the beginning – and that's part of the title, really. 

SEAN: Yeah. 

SARA: I so appreciate that. Silen, as one of the contributors, you describe yourself as a sculptor of sound. And you have been producing long-form poetry put to music and soundscapes, among other art. What made you decide to say yes to this project? 

SILEN: Yeah, thank you for that question. For me, I spent a long time looking for a spiritual home. And spirituality was something I was drawn to from a pretty young age. But in so many different spaces, it felt like queerness and transness was added as an afterthought in even spaces that said they were inclusive, that my divinity beyond the binary, was not central to how most people thought of divinity. And it took me a while to kind of name that as a spiritual wound. I was talking to one of my beloveds a few years ago about a dance community that I was feeling a lot of crunchy things about in the way they kind of prefaced with divine femininity and masculinity and defined those things in pretty cisgender-centric ways. And I was like, “Why am I just being sensitive about small things?” And my beloved at the time reflected to me like, “No, this isn't about ‘what bathroom do I go into,’ this is about your spiritual materiality.” And it actually is a really big deal to not see yourself represented or celebrated or affirmed as holy in the kind of divine mysterious ways that I believe trans and queer people really have knowledge and wisdom that cisgender, heterosexual people oftentimes don't have access to. So this project felt really aligned, just in some of my journey and life's mission to affirm that divinity and that holiness and see more of that reflected in the world for queer people and trans people. 

SARA: Silen, I know in your work, in your bio, you've described the body as a holy place of change. Can you talk to us more about that idea and how that shows up in your art, in your writing? 

SILEN: Yeah. I'd say I venerate change in a lot of ways. And a lot of my spirituality is about – I mean maybe arguably – a lot of people's spirituality is about how do we navigate change? How do we navigate the changes that we didn't choose? And then also how do we navigate the changes that we do? And the poem that I contributed to this collection is really a way to bless the changes that I did and didn't choose. So it talks about my body in all of these kind of childhood memories of scooter accidents and scrapes and ways that my body remembers all of those things. And then it also gets into discussions about the ways I've chosen to change my body in a trans medical sense to become more aligned with my gender identity. One way I “story that” sometimes is that the living myth in my body is one that needed to shapeshift. And making those decisions to medically transition was part of the ways that I was honoring how the living myth, internal landscape of my being, wanted to express in this world. 

SARA: I wonder if you'll read your blessing for us. 

SILEN: 

“This body is a holy place of change.

Blessed be the worn skin and callus.

The memories of monkey bars and guitar strings on my finger pads.

The jump rope, the cracked knuckles from dry winters.

Blessed be the place my hand met the asphalt, 

trying to scooter with bright yellow crocs.

The smell of watermelon and cut grass in the air.

As I barreled over the handlebars, scooter clanging on the ground,

hands catching my 11-year-old body.

Blessed be the cells of my resilient hand,

Growing over that scratch like latticework, like webs,

to grow, grow, heal, heal, regenerate.

Blessed be that black speck of dirt,

reminding me the tightrope between childhood fun and childhood injury,

so easily endured. Learning little by little, sometimes the world hurts you.

This body is a holy place of change.

Blessed be the eye crinkle.

From so many years of joy, the crow's talons that haunt my gaze.

Blessed be the scar where my head split open,

the cowlick, the places my hair grows the wrong way.

Blessed be every cut that healed.

Blessed be the way age softens me.

The smooth lines of scars becoming less textured,

like river currents caressing and making smooth the stone.

This body is a holy place of change.

Blessed be my eyes that knew, that saw in the mirror 

something else humming with life,

something “other” that made me more alive,  

that saw in the mirror something the spirits wanted to draw forth.

A truth so ineffable, it could only be followed by faith.

A truth that sung “This body needs to shapeshift.”

Blessed be the friends that made ritual of their testosterone

that said, yes, explore this living myth in your body,

trepidatious, though we were.

Blessed be that we listened anyway.

Blessed be the cartilage that hardened,

that drew my voice lower,

that gave me big enough reeds so my soul could hum through.

Blessed be the hardened jawline.

the knife's edge that knew when to let go, to move on,

to find those who would see me for me, 

who would honor this body that changes.

Blessed be the chin hairs, like adolescent lion scruff.

Blessed be that trans person who taught me,

even if everyone else thinks it's a weird neckbeard,

doesn't make the euphoria any less genuine.

Blessed be the gender euphoria.

The gender clumsy, the gender fails,

the gender resurrecting, the gender dreaming,

the gender reimagining, the gender full.

Blessed be the crescent moon scars on my chest.

The constellation of surgery, incisions shining like bone-white stars.

the way I can take a full breath now,

the way I can relax my shoulders now.

Blessed be this coming home to my body.

Blessed be this body that is an expression of holy change.

Come, won't you bless yourself, too?

In all the myriad ways you'll change.” 

SARA: Thank you. That was gorgeous. Listening to your words, as a parent, I'm thinking, “Oh, those are the words that I so desperately want my own child to hear and say and know and feel,“ and so many of our trans beloveds. Thank you so much for sharing that. 

SEAN: Sara, there's a piece of it I was just struck with. I love “the gender clumsy, the gender fails,” it's like blessing those things, too. I think too often we think that it's only the getting it right, the alignment, that are the things that actually bring the blessing. But to say that actually that clumsy fail, resurrecting, dreaming, reimagining, gender-full journey is part of the journey of euphoria, and that that is it itself, because I think sometimes we're so, like, we just need to get it right. Can you just figure it out? And then we we don't allow that beautiful blossoming that hurts. And that's so needed. 

SARA: Yeah, it's a beautiful reminder of life's mess for everybody. And why would we imagine or want to insist that trans folks have to immediately kind of perfectly embody this new identity without any of the mess that the rest of us are moving through? Sean, how do you approach writing a blessing that feels grounded and accessible to queer folks? And what does it mean to “queer” a blessing? 

SEAN: Yeah, that's a good question. I think that when I was reaching out to people to, give promo things for the book, Flamy Grant, who's this amazing drag queen, country performer – actually Silen and I went to a Flamy concert here in Colorado last year – said something about blessings that really kind of stuck with me about the book. And she said, 

“A blessing is a moment of connection. It says, I see you. I see your gifts, the work you've put in, the weight you carry, the joy you emanate, the grief you tend, the vital energy of your existence, the magic that happens when we bless our being blessed might have less to do with the manifestation or protection, and more to do with transference. It's a dignity we bestow on each other, being seen is magic. Blessings do have the power to protect because you can't authentically bless someone and then leave them behind.”

And that piece of “you can't bless someone and then leave them behind because you are connected”? I think that connected to the core of what I try to do in that moment, is to find, “Who's the unique person that needs a blessing?” Like, it’s not generic, it's not for everyone, it's just narrowing it down so that it can try to speak into the individual parts of it. And then hope that as someone else experiences the blessing, it unlocks something. Like, I'm not trans, and I hear Silen’s Blessing and it unlocks things for me, even though it's spoken directly to an experience that is not directly mine. But I'm also human. I also, I try to think about language that feels authentic to me, but also isn't just caught up in my own religious jargon, right? We have a certain way of talking in my religious spaces as Unitarian Universalists. And so trying to think what would be comfortable for my queer and trans friends to hear out on the street, language that lands, ways that we talk, references we make that allows that kind of that culture to be infused in it as well? I don't know, sometimes they just write and weird things come out. 

SARA: Well, that tracks, too. Silen, I'm curious if you'll share a little bit about your own process and approach to writing, or if you had an approach to this one, or if this was a pre-existing poem that you already had? But also, I'm thinking about how does the act of writing or reading or hearing. a blessing – I think, Sean, you just spoke to this a little bit a moment ago – How does that act become a kind of healing ritual? 

SILEN: Yeah, this poem was pre-written before the Glitter Blessed opportunity came up. But I actually wrote this poem for a Flamy Grant show. I was like, I need to write something more about queer divinity, because I'm going to be at this Flamy Grant show. And I have a growing repertoire of poetry that I call Poem Sermons that are written to be spoken, so written in a bit more conversational tone that might be a little bit more rhythmic, that are hopefully accessible enough that people can kind of process it in real time as they're hearing it with the assumption that they might not be able to see it in front of them. So those poems, they really feel like they're inspired from this part of ritual that we call a benediction. And it's one of my favorite ritual roles, where the ritual's almost over. We've gone to other worlds. We've communed with different spirits. All this stuff has happened. And then someone, usually improvising, is speaking, benedicting, praising, blessing, trying to tie up “What do we just learn here, collectively?” And I think one of the reasons it's my favorite role is because it's often improvised. And it's often a way of kind of sinking into the collective energy and feeling like “What is the meaning that we're collectively making out of this moment?” So, I draw a lot upon that practice when I'm thinking about my Poem Sermons, when I'm thinking about what is it that I need to hear, that my community needs to hear, to reaffirm our divinity, to digest what I'm processing about the changing of my body, both those changes I've chosen and those changes that I haven't. And, yeah, bringing that forth in the writing. 

SARA: How does the act of writing – let's just start with writing as the writer, then you can both speak a little bit as the receiver, too – But first, how does the act of writing a blessing, a benediction, a poem sermon, I think that there's a category there that you spoke to, become a kind of healing ritual. for you, the writer?

SILEN: There's this quote whose origin I do not know, I learned it from my friend Ravenna that goes, “The more personal you make something, the more universal it becomes.” And I was hearing this quote in my head as Sean was “Like even though I'm not trans, I relate to this poem that Silen wrote.” And I think a lot of my process sinks into that personal place and tries to make it as vivid as possible. And these are the poems I find that tend to resonate most with people outside me when I'm not trying to speak to other people's experiences but just trying to write something that I need to hear. And that's a roundabout way of saying, the act of writing for me becomes healing because I'm doing this searching deep inside myself to go to the corners of the ocean of me to find what those things are. And what's interesting as a performer, because there'll be pieces that I perform many times, sometimes, you know, over many years. Sean and I do a project called a Drag Christmas Spectacular, where I read the same poem. And it's the third year in a row. And I wrote it four years ago. There's still something ringing with truth about it for me. For a while, it was the only poem people would request from me. And I'm like, “Am I a one-hit wonder, what's going on?” But, yeah, what I love about doing that in this cyclical kind of seasons-like way, is that the words take on a different meaning each season. That like one year, this line might jump out to me, and it's what I need to hear. And then the next year, I might tear up at this line. So, when I perform, too, it's different every time. And the act of performing is like giving a blessing to myself, to feel for what phrases are things that I need to remind myself since I don't – you know, it's not like you receive a blessing once and then it's over. Like Sean said, like this function of a blessing being one of connection, it's also a way of connecting with myself and reconnecting with my own divinity. 

SARA: Sean, did you want to add to that? 

SEAN: Yeah. I think there’s something about one of the reasons the kind of book really became not just one of the many, many different ideas that I have that pop into my brain and then pop out of them after a while, was a sense of a desire to have something tangible. Like, there's so much in our lives that are digital. The amount of text that I read, that even, like you know, beautiful words, analysis, beautiful pictures there's just so much of it. But so much of it is mediated by my phone or a screen, that, like having a book that you can hold and return to, there's something in that physicality that makes it feel real. And it allows you to have that experience that Silen is saying, of returning to the same words and finding something different there and that you can – I don't know, there's something about a dog-eared book that feels like a talisman, almost, of something. There's a power in that, that bookmarking something on my phone doesn't have that same power. And so the impetus to say in my office, there's all of these books. There's a lot of blessings here. There's a lot of analysis about things. But to say like, queer and trans lives are worthy of a place on the shelf, you know, especially thinking about how queer books were some of the first books that were burned in Germany as that whole thing started. That no, it's like, we have a place on that shelf beside the other books of blessing that are there because our lives are sacred. 

SARA: Yeah. That's beautiful. I was just imagining. I mean, there's really only one other book of blessings. Really, it's a book of blessings that has that much wear and tear that I've just gone back to again and again and again and again, and is dog-eared and notes in the margin, and just crumbling, really, because I take it everywhere I go. That beauty of being able to pick it up and go back and read something usually out of that deep need. I think, there is my expression of how it is healing for the receiver, the reader, or the listener. I know when I just read through, it also felt like a novel, in a way. And maybe it's because I know some of the contributors. But to read all the blessings back to back, one after the other, after the other, after the other, was an extraordinary experience for me. 

SEAN: And there's something, like I mean, it's incomplete. And that's also a fun thing about it, is that as we got to the end of finally like, saying, “Okay, no, this is the full list that are going to be in there.” I was like, “But there's so many other things that we didn't put in there.” And I was like, “Okay, well, that's okay. Things are always incomplete,” but the thing that allowed me to put that anxiety to the side was I think someone suggested “Why don't you leave the last few pages blank for people to write their own blessings in?” And as soon as someone said that, I was like, oh, that's so obvious and also, perfect. And so the last few pages are intentionally left there so people can write the blessings that they need or that they've given, and add that to the canon. 

SARA: Yes, I love that! That's fantastic! Oh, that's beautiful. So, you put this project up on Kickstarter, to raise money to cover the cost to publish that actual physical book that you talked about being so powerful, rather than just an electronic copy. And the result, it sort of blew expectations out of the water, I mean, more than covered the publishing costs. And I know that you're putting all the additional proceeds towards mutual aid funds. But there's something in the Kickstarter campaign, and I think this can happen from time to time with things like that, that felt like it was part of continuing the collaboration in community. I mean, it was so immediately embraced and funded as a way to invite people into being part of that creation. So, first of all, I'm curious, how much have you raised total? Where did the extra funds go? But just talk about that whole funding side of the experience. 

SEAN: Yeah. One of the ways that I force myself to do things is I tell everyone that I'm going to do something, or commit myself to doing it, and then that'll force me to do it. It's sort of what happened with the drag Christmas thing that Silen was mentioning of just putting it out there, and then you're like, you have to do it. And so, partly it was a forcing function like, if we put it out there. So we've raised $11,000, which is amazing. We only needed $1,200, to make it happen. Like this is going to allow us to put maybe $4, or $5,000, into the mutual aid fund which is phenomenal, as well as we have I think probably 300 books that we'll be able to buy to just give out into the community as, again, spreading that necessary thing. I think the thing I love about Kickstarters and crowdfunding is that it says we all can all play a part in making something happen. And I think especially in these days where it's really hard to feel like there's a clear pathway towards righting all of the wrongs, this says,:”Well, if we each contribute something to the book, if we each contribute a little bit of money, we're able to do something that's real. It doesn't fix it all. But it isn't nothing.” And I know I'm genuinely surprised at how it got here, in terms of the response, but I'm also not surprised because I know the depth of violence that is happening right now. And, like real talk, the difference between talking to my queer and trans friends and talking to my friends who have no connection to queer and trans communities, about just what is daily reality like right now, like that is one of the biggest gaps I see in my life of just how hard day-to-day existence is and how fast this fund and how many people said “This is exactly what's needed!” And are messaging me being like, “Is it out yet? Can I get it?” It just speaks to how painful this moment is and how much we need each other in this moment as we're trying to figure out what to do. 

SARA: Yeah, thank you for naming that reality. And just like so many things, it can get lost when you're not proximate to it. And it can just get lost in the noise of everything else that feels terrible right now. And this collection does feel like something of an antidote, small antidote, a little serum. And I think there's this thread of resistance that runs through the collection, the whole… the whole orientation of the project itself, there's this resistance to shame, to erasure, to despair. Silen, can you talk a little bit about that feeling of resistance that comes out in this kind of work?

SEAN: Can I tell you how I met, how I first encountered Silen? 

SARA: Yes, please.

SEAN: Which is that there is this community event that Sylen was putting on. Okay, I don't know if I’m going to get the title right. After Scandal . . . Okay, what's the exact title, Silen?

SILEN: “After scandal, school hires witch.” 

SEAN: Yes, “After scandal, school hires witch.” And this was my first experience of Silen and Silen's work, was encountering this artistic poetry, music experience that then we were all told we had to write in a journal-type thing, and that maybe we had to perform it in front of other people. And it was just this moment of processing something that Silen faced in terms of being targeted. And it was a moment of just, for me, seeing how powerful art is, of working through things and also building community, and how these, like… Usually you go to a performance and you just take something in, but no Silen was making us experience, write and reflect, and then create together. It was just… powerful. And so I feel like there's a lot of the “Silen Power” of just, “What if we did this together? And what if it's like, what if we work things out together?” So anyways, that's how I first encountered Silen, this powerful poet, creator of experiences. And it's just a delight that we get to work together on many things, but that made an impression. Alright, now I answer the questions, Silen. 

SILEN: The question, how I'm experiencing resistance as a thread in this work? I might add resistance and resilience. And, yeah, I think one of the things that is most challenging for me is, what does healing mean when the trauma is ongoing? And the performance piece Sean was mentioning I am distanced from it a bit now. And we all know how the last year has gone, so what does that look like to feel resourced, or to feel okay continuing to live in the world, when every day there's this barrage of despair, or this barrage of bad news? And I think what I keep coming back to that I've written some about in my Poem Sermons that offers me so much hope is that queerness can't actually be destroyed. That every culture the world over since the beginning of recorded human history has had non-heterosexual behaviors in their cultures, have had more than two gender experiences. And it's named different things. It's experienced in different ways. It has different cultural contexts, of course, across time and space. But that thread of something has always lived, and that gives me a lot of hope or maybe a lot of resilience, shall we say or inspiring me to resist to – I think, Sean, your definition of faith as, like, “the bedrock of something” inspires me because that feels like my bedrock when I don't know what to do in that despair to just sink my feet into that truth, that actually I'll… Like someone like me will still exist. And I like reading about our queer and trans ancestors, and just things they went through, especially throughout the 60s and 70s and 80s, and leaning on the past and those stories. Not to romanticize them, but to be like, “You know, we've survived some pretty tough stuff before, too. And here we all still are, so.” I don't know what to do in that resistance, besides continuing to write, besides continuing to bless each other up, besides continuing to remember my own holiness in this moment. 

SARA: Thank you. I want to stay with this thread for a moment on the difficult reality of this moment, the teetering on despair, the fear, the anxiety. And particularly, you heard in my intro, our Mama Dragons community parents are feeling a lot of that same anxiety. Like many of our queer beloveds, this constant existential threat, really, and questions about how do we protect our kids? Where do we get care when it's banned or threatened, and meds? And what about their mental health and our mental health, and risks of suicide? And how do I advocate for my kid in school, and when the laws ban access to bathrooms and pronouns, and should we move out of the country, right? You can hear, and maybe have experienced some of the spiraling of all the questions and all the fears. And that's a lot that I've just thrown at you, and I apologize. But I know you've heard this, I know that you've experienced a lot of this yourself, so… I'm curious, what wisdom or practical advice might you have to offer parents right now? Sean, you're a parent. Let's start with you. 

SEAN: I just opened my parenting book that gave me all the answers, and I'll read from chapter Apocalypse. 

SARA: Please give us the answers. 

SEAN: I think there's something, I don't know, as Silen was speaking and as you were describing all of the terrible things, I'm just struck with how easy it is for these narratives to creep in and how just the onslaught of it all it can just colonize our imagination. And so, I think there is something, and this is something that I've watched in the non-binary and trans kids that I get to hang out with, at church and other places, of just there's something deeply clarifying about watching them sit in their truths even as they're evolving, that just centers what is real in the maelstrom. And it doesn't answer the “what do you do?” question. I mean, you're being set up to fail. You're being used as a political pawn by people who don't actually give a shit. Oh, sorry. Is that our one swear? Like, they're not actually really upset about trans people. But they know it's a political pawn that they can use in this larger narrative of control. And so, what are the ways that you can spend that time with your kid and just delight in who they are? I know that I remember this parenting expert person–I usually hate them–but said, “Here's my challenge to you having trouble with your kid. All you need to do, here's the thing to start. Just spend two minutes with your kid, and they get to control the agenda. Each day.” And at first, I was like, that's ridiculous, that's so little. And then I'm like, “Oh wow! How many days can I go through without spending two minutes just connecting with my kid on their terms, with their agenda, just delighting in who they are? I need to get them out the door. I need to make sure that this is happening. They woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And so we're just having a terrible morning. And that led into a terrible afternoon, and then I haven't spent two minutes because I don't want to be around anyone right now.” Like, it's so easy for none of those things to happen. And yet, when I have that moment where I feel like my eyes soften, and I'm just like, “Wow, my child is a complete goober face. And I sort of love that.” Like, that does something to me that makes it a little bit easier when I'm interacting with systems that are making it hard for him to exist. 

SARA: That's beautiful advice. I love that. Very practical, very doable, and true. And just reflecting on the normal every day challenge and control and distractions that we're navigating, then add on all of the existential attack and the threats, and it makes it even harder. But I also just want to appreciate that when you started this answer about consulting your magic parenting book with all the answers that was also, in and of itself, some important wisdom for us to reflect on, that there is no magic book, and there are no magic answers. And we're all just doing the best we can. And so listening to each other struggle, talk about how we're struggling through it, is actually really beautiful medicine. Silen, what about you? What magical wisdom can you offer into this conversation about parenting and parenting queer kids? 

SILEN: Well, I’ll caveat this by saying I'm not a parent and I'm like, what must that be like, that sounds wild. So many kudos to folks who are navigating that, especially with queer and trans youth right now. And the first thing that popped into my head with this memory with a beloved of mine from – I think this was, like, three or four years ago, but I was dating someone who lived in Louisiana. And I was visiting them. And they lived in a small town in Louisiana. And we were going to go out into nature, and leave the haven of the small town into rural Louisiana. So they're like, “Okay, get ready to dress as if we're going to end up in a gas station in rural Louisiana.” And they were getting their outfit for our little adventure date. And they come out of their room, and they're wearing heels. They have a beard. They have this lacy thing with beads and booty shorts. And I'm like, “That's your rural Louisiana outfit?” And they were like, “Yeah. If I dress too far from my spirit, I'm also going to lose power.” 

SARA: Wow. 

SILEN: Yeah. And this advice is: Not dress that way when you're going into a gas station! It was also a different world three or four years ago. But I keep coming back to that memory to really invite myself to seek those places that I can feel truly me. And maybe it's just in my room. Or maybe it's just in my friend's living room with all the blinds closed. But I think it's really important that we still find those places where we can authentically express, and maybe it's just to one other person, one other beloved. But if I'm not doing that, then it's like, ”Oh, they're really winning if I don't put on eyeliner anymore, or whatever.” So, I think just those, even those micro moments where I give myself that, where it's like, what authentically would I be saying, dressing, expressing. You know, sometimes it's just like, I'm not even dressed up at all. But I'm sitting on my friend's couch, and we're getting to laugh and be our queer selves together and cherishing those moments because I think it's so easy to kind of lock myself down into how am I preparing? And then my preparation kind of turns into panic. And then I'm only panicking, and I'm not actually accessing my joy or my rest. So, that's my advice for myself right now. And I mean, the other thing I would encourage is just to keep connecting. I think the parents in my life are doing this way better than even some of the queer folks in my life. Like the PFLAG moms out there, I'm like “Y'all are just dedicated.” Like, those PFLAG moms, they're organizing. And I have to resist the urge to having the 50-point plan ahead for every possible scenario. Like, I'm not sure how helpful that is yet. But what I do know is going to be helpful is knowing which people I can call to discreetly put testosterone in my milk crate, you know? And I think as much as we can have some of that community infrastructure, phone trees, phone lines, group chats as much as we're already connected so that when that moment of “What's going to happen next and how are we going to navigate it?” does come down, we know who to gather. We can go to each other's garages and be like, “Alright, what are we doing now? Like, how are we navigating this moment? How are we supporting each other through this?” And yeah, like I said, I'm like, the PFLAG moms are already doing that better than me, so hats off. Hats off to the PFLAG moms. 

SEAN: Can I jump into that? Because I'm in a few group chats with various constituencies, including some parents. One thing I just want to lift up as a practice that I've loved seeing in some of these groups is when parents are not just sharing all of their fear and anxiety with each other. And they're also remembering to share even those small micro-moments of joy and connection and resistance and care and that you choose to share those things too. And I think especially for what I see about a lot of parents of trans kids, especially younger kids, you can't be sharing those sorts of joys on social media in the same ways that other parents get to share. Because A, it's dangerous. B, people don't get it. Like they won't get what it's like for your kid to have ventured out in public in a certain way for the first time, or had the conversation with a friend, or went to Grandma's and was able to be at Grandma's in a new way for that first time, or the second time, or went back after it went terrible. Right? Like, people don't get those things. But other people do and just because people aren’t going to get them in the traditional ways doesn't mean you shouldn't be sharing them. And so share those things, too. Like don't forget to share those, because it's too easy just to give each other all of the pain of the world, because sometimes it feels like if other people aren't talking about the terrible, it feels like doing something. Is talking about it? 

SARA: Yes. 

SEAN: But actually, it's not a lot of the time. And if I can't do anything about it, it's not necessarily to just give that anxiety to everyone. So, strategize, work together, let's plan and build that world. But also, let's share those moments with each other because that's the fuel, that's the reasons. Don't forget that. 

SARA: Wow, that's beautiful. Thank you both. That's really fantastic wisdom. I'm also curious to hear from you about, well, I want to talk a little bit more about this religion, spirituality, the language of blessing, in particular, to just name – and we've alluded to it, both of you have talked about it just a little bit – that the trauma that folks have experienced at the hand of religion, particularly queer folks and all of that that brings up in terms of a resistance to religion, and even spirituality, and how for some those can feel like one and the same, for others they feel very different. And it does feel like this book, this collection of blessings, is really navigating that space and trying to speak into it, into that space a little bit. Can you talk a little bit about and maybe some wisdom for people who are really, really struggling with religion and spirituality. 

SEAN: Your pain is real. Both the real trauma that religion has caused, especially queer and trans people, it's real. Don't let people downplay that. And at the same time, don't let those people control this part of your human experience. I'm not the type of religious person that's like, “Everyone is actually secretly religious inside, and you just need to let it out.” But there's something that religion and spirituality–we give it lots of different names–but the access is which is how it connects to these big realities of being human and community around it, and ritual, and music that is powerful. And so, I would say you don't have to give the people that harmed you the power to take that away from you forever. 

SARA: Thank you. 

SILEN: Yeah, I would say to go at your own pace and to honor wherever that journey's taking you, even if it doesn't take you back to religion or spirituality. I had a lot of baggage with the word blessing for a while. But not nearly as much as some other folks in my life. And I really don't think it's my place to be like, “Everyone needs to reclaim blessing.” And it's okay if that's not going to end up being your word. And I hope that this anthology of poems still offer something of the humanness in us, of the authenticity in us, even if some of the words around spirituality aren't vibing. I think what's real is that raw humanity. 

SARA: That's excellent, thank you. That's perhaps some of the best answers I've heard to that question. Thank you both so much. Sean, I wonder, we're closing in on our time together, and so I wonder if we could hear one of your blessings. 

SEAN: So I was trying to figure out which one I wanted to read. And I think I want to read this one because it is based on a letter that I wrote to a trans young person who is courageously living themselves despite everything going on. So it's entitled, 

Blessing for Visibility, Chosen, Not Demanded.

“Dear Fierce One, I don't know your name. But I know your fire.

The kind that burns in queer hearts that refuse to be dimmed.

You could have stayed stealth, could have kept your head down,

your truth tucked away, your brightness on low beam.

And that would have been completely, utterly okay.

Staying safe isn't cowardice.

    it's survival, and survival is sacred.

Your right to privacy, to protection, to choosing when and how you show up in this world,

that's holy ground, and no one gets to tell you otherwise.

But something stubborn and beautiful in you said, Not this time.

Said love means lighting the whole damn room even when it makes you a target.

Maybe you're organizing, maybe you're just living loud.

Maybe you're the only out queer kid someone else will see today.

So you stepped up. 

Not because you had to carry the whole broken world on your shoulders, 

that's not your job, never was your job,

but because you could shoulder some of the work.

  Because you had communities that held you.

And reminded you of your unshakable worth.

    The bullies came.

  Of course they did.

Bullies always hunt the brightest flames first.

  But here's what they missed.

You didn't burn out.

You burned through.

Straight to the lawmakers' offices, the school administrators,

the places where power lives.

You are teaching adults how democracy actually works,

one meeting at a time.

You're not just surviving this dystopian moment.

You're rewriting it.

Not because it's your burden to bear,

but because you chose to pick up this particular piece of the work,

and this is what sacred looks like today.

Scared teenagers who know they don't owe the world their visibility,

but choose it anyways.

Queer kids with defiant flames in their chests,

carrying what they can, lighting the way forward for all of us.

You are not alone.

Behind you burns a constellation of faith communities chosen families,

and stubborn hearts

who know that our faith means nothing if we don't fight for each other.

  So keep burning, beautiful human.

Keep showing us what courage looks like with homework and hope

and a future worth building together

Reminding us that we are fierce together.” 

SARA: Thank you. That was gorgeous. And perhaps the best words for us to close with on this podcast. Thank you both so much for your time. Thank you for your art, and your artistry, and your words, and your blessings. And thank you, Sean, for breathing this into physical existence. I can't wait to share it with people. 

SEAN: Thanks, Sara. 

SARA: Thank you so much for joining us here In the Den. Did you know that Mama Dragons offers an eLearning program called Parachute? This is an interactive learning platform where you can learn more about how to affirm, support, and celebrate the LGBTQ+ people in your life. Learn more at mamadragons.org/parachute or find the link in the episode show notes under links. If you enjoyed this episode, we hope you’ll take a moment to tell your friends and leave us a positive rating and review wherever it is you listen. Good reviews make us more visible and help us reach more folks who could benefit from being part of this community. And if you’d like to help Mama Dragons in our mission to support, educate, and empower the parents of LGBTQ+ children, please donate at mamadragons.org or click the donate link in the show notes. For more information on Mama Dragons and the podcast, you can follow us on Instagram or Facebook or visit our website mamadragons.org.